Feeling like a human being again!

I no longer feel like I'm on house arrest. This week was the beginning of getting back into a routine. I got a little depressed last week when the doctor felt like my nerve pain might be permanent. I tried a new med and I think it's actually working. I don't feel so much pain as I do tingling and irritation. I'm no longer a druggie!

I started running(slow jogging) again. I'm sad because I was up to 5 miles and now I'm down to 1.5 miles. I have to get up to 8 in a month. I wanted to run the full 8 miles but I guess I can walk some of it if I have to. I'm trying to get into the routine of walking the dogs. I love my dogs but I hate walking them. They drive me insane when they know it's time for a walk. Then they go nuts when I try to put their leashes on. And now they know where every dog in our neighborhood lives and want to visit all of them...even the growling pitbulls. So I'm trying to walk them at least a mile a day and then running Scout a mile 3 times a week. It would be so much easier if they were good dogs and I could just bring them on my runs.

We had a brigade function to signify the half-way mark last week. Part of this was the Biggest Loser Contest....just within our brigade of course. I didn't sign up for the competition but I did take their health assessment. My weight was actually lower than I've seen it in a while since I lost so much muscle weight while I was sick. Blood pressure good. Resting heart rate good. Then we did the "how much fat are you carrying around" test. He did the measurement and it was a little higher than I expected but still within normal limits. He tells me that I'm still within the average. Then he asked me if I was happy with just being within the average or if maybe I thought I could lose some weight. "We" decided I could lose about 8 lbs which turned into 10 lbs this week...what can I say, I love my food! Hopefully once I get back into running I won't have to change too much. I might have to pick up some healthy snacks this week.

Well this led me to weighing Scout. Since we moved here I've had 3 vets tell me that she's overweight. I could tell she was overweight but it didn't seem too bad. I tried 2 kinds of diet foods, both of which she was allergic to. I knew I needed to exercise both of them more but let's face it...I'm a little lazy. I can't even use the excuse that I'm busy anymore. I'm just plain lazy. While I was looking for pictures to put in our Christmas card, I ran across pictures of Scout when we first got here and she was already a little overweight. Ok...my baby girl got fat! I weighed her on the scale...let's just say she's supposed to be 55 lbs. She was 75 lbs! I felt awful that I let her get so out of shape. I cut back her food months ago but that hasn't made a difference instead she eats grass, flowers, garbage, anything she can get into. So the plan is to walk them every day, run her 3 times a week and bring them on a hike at least once a month. Hopefully we'll both reach our goal.

I also got to go surfing last week. It was awesome! I was a little scared at first because it's been almost 2 months and the waves were bigger than I've ever surfed on. Still really really small but looked ginormous to me. Usually I can stay out for 1.5 hours before taking a break. I returned my board after 40 minutes. I was a little embarrassed. The rental guys was like "seriously? you didn't even have it out for an hour!" Hopefully I can build those muscles back up as well.

My next milestone...Shiggy should be home for R&R in just over a month. It that isn't motivation to get my butt in gear, I don't know what is. Now if I could just get my act together...

All better yet the pain lingers...

Well I'm done with the shingles. The active part at least. Unfortunately the pain has chosen to remain. It didn't seem so bad at first, just a little annoying. But then my first night without pain meds began and it was awful. I didn't ask my doctor for any meds yesterday because it didn't seem like they were working anyways. Boy was I wrong. They may not have alleviated the pain completely but apparently dulled the pain down to a tolerable point i.e. sleeping 2 hours at a time instead of 15 mins at a time. I felt like a druggie calling the doctor to try to refill my prescription only to be treated like a druggie by the receptionist who obviously did not believe I was in pain. It didn't matter, the doctor's not in today anyways.

We're giving a new drug a try but it'll be 2 weeks before I can tell if it's working or not. If not I get to go see a neurologist. Too soon to tell if this is temporary or will be permanent. The worse part is that Shiggy comes home for R&R soon and I have to decide if I can tolerate being off the meds for a month for the chance at getting pregnant or if we should just wait.

My running has come to a halt. I'm supposed to be doing an 8 mile run in February but since I can't even walk the dogs without pain, I'm not sure how the running is gonna go. I might try it out tonight and just try to work through it. There's also no point in me buying a surf board anymore. It's getting very depressing around here. My friend volunteered to throw me a birthday party but she was a little sad by my lack of enthusiasm. I don't mind getting older, but every birthday is becoming a reminder of each year we've been trying to conceive. If you don't include deployments it will be 2, if you include the deployments it's 3.5.

For now I'm just going to concentrate on studying for the boards and slowly getting the house together. I'm not as bad off as I make it seem. I'm just mentally and physically exhausted and ready for a change.

Nothing but time on my hands!

This has been an interesting week. It started out with a 4.5 mile run on Sunday which resulted in chafing under my arms. Apparently I don't have proper arm placement when I run. I took what I thought would be the most painful shower of my life. I don't know if you've ever tried to wash your hair without getting your arms wet...it's just not possible...

On Monday, I went on a 2 hour hike that turned into a 3-3.5 hour hike when we lost a dog. We ended up having to leave the dog behind. Luckily he was quickly found and returned to his owner by the next day. But the stress of that day might very well be the reason for the following days.

Tuesday was another run day. It was just a 2.5 mile run and I was able to keep my arms out the whole time. But for some reason on Wednesday I started getting that prickly sensation of chafing again but with no rash. I thought maybe I had brushed up against a poisonous plant during the hike. The pain got worse on Thursday. Then I started getting chest pains and shooting pains down my left arm. I tried heart burn medication, asthma medication, and motrin. I even tried to make my house presentable just in case I had to call 911 in the middle of the night.

I woke up on Friday morning with the same pain but a little more intense and had a panic attack. I don't know what happened but before I knew it, I was crying and couldn't catch my breath. I was able to calm myself down and had to wait for the doctor's office to open. He checked for heart problems and muscle involvement. Then we found the rash. A tiny rash the size of a dime under my arm that looked exactly like the chafing I had earlier in the week. That's when he tentatively diagnosed me with shingles. I was skeptical at first but over the course of the day the burning sensation spread and got worse. Now the rash has spread across the left side of my chest. I guess the nerve fibers involved are the ones that stretch over my heart and go down my arm. So every time the pain flairs up it feels like I'm having a heart attack. And I thought I wasn't getting any Christmas presents this year...

I had to cancel all my plans for the week and it looks like I'm going to have a lot of time to myself. Other than the burning pain, I'm perfectly fine but the doctor doesn't want me to do any kind of physical activity for at least a week. I'm also self-quarantining myself. Although shingles is not contagious, there's a very slim chance I could pass the chicken pox virus onto people who have never had it before. I would feel awful if I gave a baby chicken pox.

So for now I'm just stuck at home with burning sensations that come and go as they please. Here's to the pain subsiding for long enough for me to do anything productive!

The ups and downs...

It's been a while. A lot has happened since I last posted. I had a wonderful time on my family trip. Spending 24/7 with my family members was exhausting but definitely worth it. Sharing a room with a 6 and 7 year old was also an interesting experience. Little sleep was had on this trip but memories to last a lifetime were formed. As soon as I can find the adapter to upload my pictures, I'll get on that. I have a new bond with my nieces that we've kept going with the help of Skype.

Then it was back to reality. As much as I enjoyed sleeping in my own bed without monkeys jumping on me, it was really lonely to be home. We had 2 casualties while I was on my trip. It was hard to come back to that as well. So the weeks afterwards I was determine to keep myself busy.

I've applied to get my pharmacist license here. I'm still waiting for a date to take the test. I joined the Spouse's Club and many of the clubs within it. I went swimming with the dolphins, eagle rays, and about a million fish. Went on an awesome hike and finally stood up on a surfboard by myself.

The hubby took command and I was moved into a new battalion. The transition didn't go as I had hoped, but we'll see how it ends up. I care too much about what people think but no matter how hard I try not to...it just happens. Like a little kid, my feelings always get hurt. As soon as I joined the battalion we had 9 more casualties, 2 KIA and 7 wounded. Of course they were the first ones right after a certain speech was given so the notification process was hampered. It was just an awful situation. The memorials are this week.

I was offered a job and within days the offer was taken back. I just took a blood test to see if maybe there's a simple solution to our problem with starting a family. Still waiting on the results. I just feel like as soon as something good happens, something bad immediately follows. I just don't know what to do with myself these days. The good news of the week...we're a quarter of the way through this deployment...

Sometimes you're just amazed.

A few days after I wrote my last post, I went to PWOC and almost started laughing. We've been doing a Beth Moore study. For the first few weeks I didn't feel like any of it pertained to me. Slowly as the weeks went by, little things would pop up and make me think. But this last week was written just for me.


The study is about the Psalms of Ascent and taking the next step in your journey. The last session was titled My Hope Is in the Lord. It was about being effective to fellow travellers on the path. It reminds you to forgive one another, encourage each other and to love deeply. Then she said, if you can't love deeply you're going to say "fine" to everyone who asks you "How are you?" Then she asks if anyone has ever done that before. It just reminded me that while I struggle on my journey I need to make sure I take a quick glance around to make sure no one else is stranded.


I had the chance to experience some more Hawaiian adventures this past week. Took a break from the snorkeling and boogie boarding. This past weekend we headed out to find the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Carribean. They've been filming here and on one of the other islands. The ship has slowly made it around the island and they just wrapped up the filming on Sunday. Unfortunately, I was not enough of a fan to wait there all day to catch a glimpse of Johnny Depp. But we met many people who were able to shake his hand, take pictures and have conversations with him. I guess he's a pretty good guy. Got some pictures of the ship. They were doing stunt work and smaller scenes when we got there. I thought it was pretty neat!

Sunday was supposed to be a stay at home and do everything you've been putting off kind of day. Instead I left my house at 8:45AM and came home at 11PM. I've been going up to North Shore to partake in the farmer's market every Sunday after church. This week is a short week where minimal groceries are needed so I decided not to go. But a friend enticed me with promises of laying out on her "private beach" (it's not nearly as private as she thinks it is). So we went to the market, grabbed lunch and laid out on the beach. I tried to swim a little but the water made me shiver. A few hours later, some of the girls had to leave and we started talking about hiking. My goal is to do one new hike a month and try to visit as many beaches on the island as I can. Jennifer told me she'd be glad to join my adventure club. Then she told me about this hike she did with her husband while looking for fresh dirt for his garden. The more she told me, the more excited about it she got. At about 5PM we decided we should just go for it. So I threw on a pair of her shorts and a pair of sneakers one and a half sizes too big and started off.

What she failed to inform me was that you had to go off-roading to get to the start of the trail. I envisioned driving over to a trailhead, walking up, taking pictures and coming back down in time for dinner. What I got was much more adventurous and I had a blast. We did about 20 mins of off-roading which was approximately 1.5 miles. It made it crazier that she just learned how to drive stick! We walked up the easy part of the trail, saw a gorgeous view of the ocean and mountains and realized that we weren't satisfied. We climbed up some rocks made it to several old bunkers and then I found out I am terrified of heights. As the wind blew and an airplane flew next to us, I started to panic a little. Going up was much easier than going back down.

I lost my inhaler, but it's not a good hike unless you loose something important. At least this time I made it to the top. We could have gone up further but daylight was fading fast and off-roading in the dark with the ocean next to you is probably not a good idea. We ran back to the Jeep and got out as the sun was setting. We would have made the perfect Jeep commerical!

Today I hurt and have tons of chores to do but I had to get one last adventure in before heading back to the mainland for a few days. I get to see my entire family (parents, brothers, sister-in laws, nieces and nephews) in a few more days. I'm just sad Tim won't be there. It's going to be an exhausting vacation but I will probably fill up my story books for the year.

I'm good...

For the first time since we moved here, I feel good. Most days I wake up with a crappy attitude and hope that I snap out of it. Last week at PWOC the topic was how has God been good to you. I honestly could not think of a single thing. Everyone was soo happy talking about the topic and going on and on and all I wanted to do was move onto the next topic. It's not that God hasn't been good to me. It's just that I've been soo caught up in myself and my own misery that I couldn't see past that.


Before I got here whenever someone asked how I was...I would say good. If I was questioned further because I looked like I hadn't showered or slept in days, I'd just say I was tired. Ever since we got here I've been overly honest. I think people got sick of asking me how I was because I would just dump on them. But today I woke up thinking...you know what God is good and he's blessed me with soo many things. Things won't always go my way but like a loving, patient parent....He lets me have my tantrums and hopes I learn something afterwards.


It's kind of weird. Today is no different than any other day. It's not like some miracle happened or my prayers have been answered. Although I know people have been praying for me, so if you've been praying for me...I'm here to tell you that this is God's answer.


I've been going to church and Bible studies thinking I'm not getting anything out of them! Why am I here? But I continued to go knowing that not attending could only make things worse. Suddenly, I'm sick of being selfish and only thinking of myself. I enjoy fellowship and am always on the lookout for someone who might be going through what I just went through.

So for right now, I'm good....I really am! Maybe I'll even start posting pictures on this thing or something. Ok, I won't get ahead of myself.

Sick of being a second-line friend....

Not all friendships are established the same. They simply can't be! But lately I've been getting so sick of being a second or third-line friend. You know, the ones you call when all your good friends are busy. I can't say I have many second or third line friends. I have friends that I hang out with every day, once a week, once a month because that's what works for us. Heck, I talk to my best friend once a year and see her once every 2 years but she's still my best friend! But I need a go to person here. A person I can call at any time of the day and know they won't get mad. Someone whom I can just drop by on unannounced and know that they'll let me in their house even if it looks like a natural disaster occurred in it. I've got a bunch of those across the country but none here.

I have made some wonderful friends who's husbands are not deployed. But they actually have lives. They still look forward to weekends. I miss having days to look forward to. I didn't submit my spouse preference paperwork before submitting my resume so that throws me further down on the list of qualified applicants. Still haven't heard anything from them but if the 25th comes and goes that means the job is gone.

I went to a new Bible study on Wednesday. It seems promising although to be honest...I'm not much for studying the Bible these days. The ladies there were just so supportive of one another and it also reminded me that my issues are so trivial to other people's. It's funny because I guess I still think I'm 22. I've noticed that whenever I meet a group of people that are my age, my first thoughts are...these ladies are great but they're so much older than me. Then I find out that a lot of time, I'm one of the oldest ones there! I'm going to start lying about my age. My range will be 22 to 35...I just want to see which end of the spectrum is more believable.

It's been a month and my house is still a mess. It's in that stage where you can't tell if the person is moving in or moving out. I debate every day about whether or not I should move on post. The grass is always greener.... I just don't want to work myself up thinking that will solve all my problems. I did discover while making eggplant parmesan that along with not having a clock/timer on my oven, there is also no way to know when the oven is pre-heated. This is a brand new oven...I didn't know that was possible! Kind of sad that it took me 30 days to realize that...

I can't claim that my life is all that bad. After all, today is a beach day. Time to go lay out in the sun with a mediocre book (I've started reading the Shopaholic series). I've decided that every week requires at least one good beach day!