For the first time since we moved here, I feel good. Most days I wake up with a crappy attitude and hope that I snap out of it. Last week at PWOC the topic was how has God been good to you. I honestly could not think of a single thing. Everyone was soo happy talking about the topic and going on and on and all I wanted to do was move onto the next topic. It's not that God hasn't been good to me. It's just that I've been soo caught up in myself and my own misery that I couldn't see past that.
Before I got here whenever someone asked how I was...I would say good. If I was questioned further because I looked like I hadn't showered or slept in days, I'd just say I was tired. Ever since we got here I've been overly honest. I think people got sick of asking me how I was because I would just dump on them. But today I woke up thinking...you know what God is good and he's blessed me with soo many things. Things won't always go my way but like a loving, patient parent....He lets me have my tantrums and hopes I learn something afterwards.
It's kind of weird. Today is no different than any other day. It's not like some miracle happened or my prayers have been answered. Although I know people have been praying for me, so if you've been praying for me...I'm here to tell you that this is God's answer.
I've been going to church and Bible studies thinking I'm not getting anything out of them! Why am I here? But I continued to go knowing that not attending could only make things worse. Suddenly, I'm sick of being selfish and only thinking of myself. I enjoy fellowship and am always on the lookout for someone who might be going through what I just went through.
So for right now, I'm good....I really am! Maybe I'll even start posting pictures on this thing or something. Ok, I won't get ahead of myself.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Sick of being a second-line friend....
Not all friendships are established the same. They simply can't be! But lately I've been getting so sick of being a second or third-line friend. You know, the ones you call when all your good friends are busy. I can't say I have many second or third line friends. I have friends that I hang out with every day, once a week, once a month because that's what works for us. Heck, I talk to my best friend once a year and see her once every 2 years but she's still my best friend! But I need a go to person here. A person I can call at any time of the day and know they won't get mad. Someone whom I can just drop by on unannounced and know that they'll let me in their house even if it looks like a natural disaster occurred in it. I've got a bunch of those across the country but none here.
I have made some wonderful friends who's husbands are not deployed. But they actually have lives. They still look forward to weekends. I miss having days to look forward to. I didn't submit my spouse preference paperwork before submitting my resume so that throws me further down on the list of qualified applicants. Still haven't heard anything from them but if the 25th comes and goes that means the job is gone.
I went to a new Bible study on Wednesday. It seems promising although to be honest...I'm not much for studying the Bible these days. The ladies there were just so supportive of one another and it also reminded me that my issues are so trivial to other people's. It's funny because I guess I still think I'm 22. I've noticed that whenever I meet a group of people that are my age, my first thoughts are...these ladies are great but they're so much older than me. Then I find out that a lot of time, I'm one of the oldest ones there! I'm going to start lying about my age. My range will be 22 to 35...I just want to see which end of the spectrum is more believable.
It's been a month and my house is still a mess. It's in that stage where you can't tell if the person is moving in or moving out. I debate every day about whether or not I should move on post. The grass is always greener.... I just don't want to work myself up thinking that will solve all my problems. I did discover while making eggplant parmesan that along with not having a clock/timer on my oven, there is also no way to know when the oven is pre-heated. This is a brand new oven...I didn't know that was possible! Kind of sad that it took me 30 days to realize that...
I can't claim that my life is all that bad. After all, today is a beach day. Time to go lay out in the sun with a mediocre book (I've started reading the Shopaholic series). I've decided that every week requires at least one good beach day!
I have made some wonderful friends who's husbands are not deployed. But they actually have lives. They still look forward to weekends. I miss having days to look forward to. I didn't submit my spouse preference paperwork before submitting my resume so that throws me further down on the list of qualified applicants. Still haven't heard anything from them but if the 25th comes and goes that means the job is gone.
I went to a new Bible study on Wednesday. It seems promising although to be honest...I'm not much for studying the Bible these days. The ladies there were just so supportive of one another and it also reminded me that my issues are so trivial to other people's. It's funny because I guess I still think I'm 22. I've noticed that whenever I meet a group of people that are my age, my first thoughts are...these ladies are great but they're so much older than me. Then I find out that a lot of time, I'm one of the oldest ones there! I'm going to start lying about my age. My range will be 22 to 35...I just want to see which end of the spectrum is more believable.
It's been a month and my house is still a mess. It's in that stage where you can't tell if the person is moving in or moving out. I debate every day about whether or not I should move on post. The grass is always greener.... I just don't want to work myself up thinking that will solve all my problems. I did discover while making eggplant parmesan that along with not having a clock/timer on my oven, there is also no way to know when the oven is pre-heated. This is a brand new oven...I didn't know that was possible! Kind of sad that it took me 30 days to realize that...
I can't claim that my life is all that bad. After all, today is a beach day. Time to go lay out in the sun with a mediocre book (I've started reading the Shopaholic series). I've decided that every week requires at least one good beach day!
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