Sunday, April 22, 2012

Losing my motivation.

I'm a little concerned that a little over 4 weeks out, I seem to have lost all my mojo. There are no nesting instincts. I'm not sure that nesting instincts are the same for hoarders as they are for normal people. I'm in no rush to pack my hospital bag when just a few weeks ago I woke up in a panic that I had no idea what to put in it. I was freaking out that my diaper bag wouldn't get here in time but now that it's here, it's just sitting in the room with nothing in it. I feel like it's almost too soon to be getting those final steps ready.

I've been complaining that it must be because I have no nursery furniture. Since I have no where to put clean baby clothes, there's no reason to wash anything. But in reality even if I had everything I probably wouldn't be any further along than I am. Part of me realizes that 4 weeks is not a very long time but the other part of me is convincing the first part not to get things ready too soon. Why do I always listen to the non-intelligent side?

I have an appointment coming up. I guess if the practitioner tells me to get ready, then I'll have to force myself to start. Part of the problem is that all my friends who have had babies on this island in the past 3 months have been overdue by 10 days. I don't think I can spend those 10 days just waiting for him to come out. All I know is that if he comes early or even on time, Shiggy will probably have to run home and do a load of baby laundry so he has clothes to wear and sheets to sleep on.

We had our maternity photo shoot yesterday. When I booked the shoot, it seemed really far away and I found a really good priced photographer so I told myself even if the pictures don't come out, it's not a big deal. The date kind of snuck up on me and right after the shoot, I started freaking out that none of the pictures would come out. She sent me "sneak peaks" of 2 and I think they'll be least I hope so...

I feel so wishy washy these days. Sleeping is getting harder and harder. I sleep exclusively on my back because that's the only way I can get any sleep. At first I was neurotic about never sleeping on my back. Now I'll take what I can get. My ribs ache all the time. I can't imagine them expanding anymore but I know it'll be a couple of weeks yet before he drops. I'm also just all around grumpy because I've been fighting a cold for the last week and refuse to take anything for it.

Those are my random thoughts for the week because cohesive thinking eludes me at this point...

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