Should I stay or should I go?

Everyone knows I've been having a really rough time here. It's only been a week since he left but I feel like it's been months. I finally left the house yesterday. I tried out Zumba and got some real food at the commissary. But all throughout Zumba I just kept thinking to myself...what am I doing here? I have no job, no family, no friends and no support system.

I've never been one to run home during deployments. I always figured, where ever you are that is where your life is now. I could understand going home with kids because it's nice to have babysitters who love your kids as much as you do and to have them spend some time with family. But I just don't know if I can make it here by myself.

The problem with going "home" is that it might not be an option either. I could easily go home and live with my parents but I don't have a NY license and therefore won't be able to work there. As much as I'd like to add 2 more licenses to my resume in a 2 year period and probably break the law because I can't remember which state I'm in, I'm going to have to pass. That leaves Colorado and Texas. I certainly wouldn't mind living in Colorado for a year. But it will be a pain in the butt to find a place that will allow the dogs and comes fully furnished. I probably won't be able to get a job on-post but I have my license there so it's not a big deal. Plus I still know people there.

Then there's Texas. I have a bunch friends there and a lot of their husbands are either deployed or deploying. One has already told me I can live with her until her hubby gets home. And my boss tells me I'm technically still employed. I've been on leave without pay for the past year and all I have to do is start working again.

I'm not even fully unpacked, the thought of moving again makes me sick. I know I need to give it time. I've just never been so miserable before and quite frankly it scares me. I've never felt this way before. I've stopped going to church. I can't even get myself to pray about it. I just need to know that at some point before 365 days passes, I'll feel normal again.

I don't know...I'm soo confused...